The ONE Game-Changing Shift I Made for Supporting Autistic Kids
I’m Aryn, from Wild Seeds SLP. A speech-language practitioner who strives to use neurodiversity-affirming approaches, and support others in learning the knowledge I’ve picked up along the way.
And if you’ve attended my introductory workshop, you’ll know that I’m PASSIONATE (arguably obsessed?) about shifting the way we understand and support autistic children. I feel so deeply… so powerfully… that we can create a brighter path forward in the world when we seek to understand differences. And for me, neurodiversity-affirming practices is that pathway to true acceptance.
And I started thinking… if I could pick ONE thing that has really created BIG shifts for me in how I support autistic children, what would it be? Whether it’s supporting them in their homes, at school, or out in the community. What would I share with people?
Then it hit me. It’s a shift that acts as a lever for EVERY. PART. of my interactions. One that makes even the heavy and hard moments lift and feel infinitely LIGHTER and EASIER.
And that shift is…. *drum roll please*
ALWAYS. SEEK. CONNECTION.
Seeking connection IS relationship-centered care. It’s being responsive, not getting reactive. It’s truly seeing the child, the tiny human, underneath what’s happening in the challenging moment. It’s focusing on the NEED. It’s building TRUST that you are there ALONGSIDE them to help them grow. It’s how you can be a GUIDE for them.
For me, connection trumps needing to ‘teach a lesson’ in a hard moment, or have a child follow through on a direction or request.
This reminded me of story that I’d now like to share with you here:
I was supporting an autistic child in their home after school, and their family had been going through a lot of big changes recently.
As I crossed the threshold into their home on this day, I was expecting my usual greeting of them hiding behind the door pretending that a ‘spooky ghost’ opened the door for me (super fun, I know right?!).
But on this particular day, I was instead greeted with a very loud *ROAR* in my face, followed quickly by a swift punch to the arm.
Umm… OUCH!!
And at that moment I had two choices in front of me…
I could choose to ‘teach a lesson’ or say something like “hey, we don’t hit each other” and proceed to talk about why we don’t, and things like body boundaries, sharing feelings about how that made me uncomfortable, and try to teach some perspective-taking, etc., etc., etc.
ORI could CONNECT first.
And guess which path I chose?
You guessed it!
The CONNECTION path.
Also, I mean… this kid was LITERALLY trying to connect with me.
In this moment, I chose to be the one to take their perspective and think: this kid has been going through a lot of changes at home, and they might be dysregulated from the long school day. I could also see there was a playful intent behind their action… it’s like it exploded out of them!... and it wasn’t meant to be malicious. They were seeking physical connection.
So here’s what I did.
I lowered my body.
I lowered my voice.
And I gently said, “Hey, it looks like you want to connect with me right now. Let’s think of another way to do that.”
Followed by a playful suggestion of, “How ‘bout 10 DINO-SIZED high fives? Let me see how strong you are!”
And guess what happened from that? We maintained connection. We maintained our relationship. They got their needs met. We had FUN! And the rest of our time was overflowing with playful learning opportunities TOGETHER.
Oh, and later when their body and brain seemed in a calmer state, we got to have a further discussion about ways we like to connect and what feels good for each of our bodies. And they were actually able to be receptive to my message at that time.
So all in all, a happy ending.
And connection TRIUMPHED, yet again.
Now here are my questions for you:
Which path will YOU choose for yourself during that next ‘hard moment’ with a child?
Teaching?
Or Connection?
And if you did change the way you respond in the moment, what could also change for your relationship with them moving forward?
-Aryn
Want to learn more about supporting autistic kids using neurodiversity-affirming practices?
Then here are 3 ways we can stay connected:
1. Check out Wild Seeds SLP on social media:
Instagram: @wildseeds_slp
YouTube: @wildseedsslp
2. Sign-up for my online 2-hour introductory workshop
Nurturing Neurodivergence: An Introduction to Affirming Practices and Support for Autistic Children
3. Join the waitlist for the REWILD group program
REWILD: Building Supportive Connections with Autistic Children
A comprehensive and strategy-focused program for caregivers and educators